Open Day Madness

Right, so I was working over a weekend volunteering at the Australian Museum for International Museum Day and the museum's Open Day. What it means basically is that the floodgates of cost are removed and people pour in. Each person is like a tiny grain of sand, grinding away on the eternal milestone on one's soul. And each of us once the day was out were dead tired of smiling to people's dumb questions.

So there are a few extraordinarily amazing events which even astounded me, and I've seen Big Brother. And the people on that are like the most standard people from the most standard cave man dwelling in the Stone Age.

Pearls you say? - Here's the situation: it's Open Day, and the museum is concurrently holding a Pearls exhibition. So the really big dinosaur out front (a Giganotosaurus to be exact) has jokingly gotten up in the morning to a headache from last night's partying and accidentally donned his wife's pearls. Yes, the dinosaur is wearing his family jewels. Though really the museum has decided it would be 'themey' to dress the dinosaur in pearls. These pearls are actually little styrofoam balls, sprayed silver.

So I was standing out front in the lobby, looking around, helping people out with finding things (where's the bathroom? where's the lobby? where's the floor? help me, I can't find my nose.) And a certain Ms. Stupid comes up. Now she doesn't look like any Ms. Stupid. Her hair is brushed, she's wearing glasses, a fairly short skirt, blonde. She actually looks smart, like someone I could actually have a conversation with. She begins to pass me by like so many other beautiful women that day. Then stops, asks her question. My heart soars high with hope. "Excuse me," she says, deadly serious, "did they dig those dinosaur bones from the ground?" I reply in the affirmative, to which she smiles. "Yes! So they found those pearls with the bones?" Oh gods no...

Butterflies in my stomache - So some smart person had decided, oh, I know what would be cool: We'll put butterflies on the brochures, even though we have no butterfly exibit. Good one, Einstein. You work where now? Museum of Natural History you say? So in total (and I actually began to tally this) six people asked me where the butterflies were. Now these bugs are labelled nowhere on the form, nowhere at all. They simply do not exist aside from being fancy decorations. So the first time I pointed people in the direction of the bugs exhibit. The second time I pointed them towards the bathrooms. Third, fourth and fifth times I just explained they didn't exist. Number four actually got angry at me, as if it was my fault the museum chose not to stock up on 'rare sapphire Brazilian butterflies' or something of the like. So I pointed him in the direction of the Aboriginal Exhibit. Number six (I was getting annoyed and it was the end of my shift in the lobby) I pointed to the entrance and said "the butterflies are that way." In my defence, there was a garden outside and undoubtedly there would be butterflies.

You look like a scientist - Do I look like a scientist? Well I suppose in my snazzy Aus Mus t-shirt I must have. (Said t-shirt has since shrunken smaller than a doll could fit into, leaving me with a nice souvenier, but a pretty tight looking shirt.) So I got quite a few people asking me questions I honestly have no idea about. But we were told to keep a straight face and either answer to the best of our knowledge, ask for help from security, or refer them to a specialist. 'To the best of my knowledge' was good enough. So in the end, it turns out that Giganotosaurus ate grapefruits, and is actually commonly referred to as "Gigantoroarus" affectionately by geologists. It also turns out that the Flying Spaghetti Monster (praise be to Him) causes volcanism. Gold is just crushed paper, deep fried. Diamonds are crushed bones of the dominant species before dinosaurs. (Could be... you never know.) Did I feel bad about this? Noooo. If a tourist thinks that I look official enough to believe me, then they can be happy going home with false information. It makes sense in a twisted way.

Look at me, I'm riding a skeleton - Some kids just don't learn, and we had a few who were a bit too... 'adventurous'. One can go home claiming that the sucessfully straddled a skeleton horse behind a skeleton man, and only just got off (or were pulled off) when the horse began to sway and almost tumbled. One other kid can now claim rights as having gotten closer to the bones of a Giganotosaurus than any other kid in his class after failing to climb the leg of said dinosaur. Lucky for the museum the bones are fakes. Giant turtles, mummies, mommies, security, guides... they are all fair game for childish exploits. The ironic part is, there's a childrens' playland area which was almost completely deserted when I walked past.

Tourists - Who give me money to take pictures of them in front of my good old pal, Giganotosaurus. Seriously, these guys just hope for the best that a guy in an Aus Mus t-shirt was legit, and not only give me possession of their camera (must've cost them like...$4000) for a time, but also tipped me! Hell yes. This is what volunteer work is all about.

But it's nice to know I made such a difference to people's lives. And if you ever get the chance to work volunteer or otherwise at a museum, jump at the chance. They're always looking for people to help out, and they'll love you eternally for it. Plus you get to see the museum for free!